I am halfway through my last class in my pursuit of my MFA in Professional Fiction Writing. My last class, was a screenplay writing class. Outside of my poetry class, this was probably the most nervous I have been. But it was a good class and I learned a lot that I can apply to my fiction writing. I am going to share the first act in my horror screenplay. It earned good marks, but would be interested to hear any and all feedback. Give me your thoughts.
By the way, the formatting is all wrong in WordPress, just ignore as it is perfectly structured for a screenplay in PDF for the main copy.
And I mean it when I say I want feedback, so please, by all means, give it to me. 🙂
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INT. DARK OFFICE – DOWNTOWN DENVER, CO HIGHRISE – DAY
DYLAN, a tall, fit, late thirties man is arguing into the
phone in a darkened office. He is wearing a suit, although
his jacket is draped over the back of his office chair.
The office is pristine, but dark. The only illumination is
that offered by the bright, light sneaking through the closed
blinds.
He looks through the blinds to the world outside and the
conversation grows heated (at least on his end) and it is
obvious the fit man is upset. He tries pleading his case, but
it is quickly going downhill.
DYLAN
(annoyed into phone)
Do you know how much fucking money
I’ve made for this firm? I”VE MADE
MILLIONS!
DYLAN drops the phone from his ear and mocks bashing his head
against the window.
DYLAN (CONT’D)
Do you know how much money I have
wrapped up in this investment? How
much my own friends have invested?
DYLAN starts pacing back and forth away from the window,
behind his desk, as he pleads with his boss on the other end
of the phone.
DYLAN (CONT’D)
Take the fifty mil and shove it up
your ass!
DYLAN slams the phone down on the receiver multiple times. It
never sits quite correctly, and after three or four attempts,
it lays askew.
DYLAN places his hands on his hips an surveys the room,
offering a large exhale.
He grabs a box and begins packing up his belongings.
INT. DYLAN’S MERCEDES – DAY
DYLAN drives his Mercedes SUV through suburban Denver while
listening to early-nineties grunge rock with the windows
down. He pounds his fingers on his steering wheel and stops
in front of a house.
DYLAN
(yelling at the top of his lungs)
Come on, Alex, you son of a bitch!
Let’s go!
DYLAN lays on his car horn.
EXT. EARLY 20TH CENTURY COTTAGE HOUSE – DENVER, CO – DAY
Looking befuddled, a slender and unathletic, Latino man,
ALEX, drags his luggage out the door and waves DYLAN off.
ALEX
(annoyed yelling)
This is a nice neighborhood, Dylan.
Can you knock it off?
INT. DYLAN’S MERCEDES – DAY
DYLAN
You should have been ready, my man.
Then I wouldn’t have to embarrass you
like this. You know better.
EXT. EARLY 20TH CENTURY COTTAGE HOUSE – DENVER, CO – DAY
ALEX
I know you’re an ass.
ALEX drags his suitcase behind him as he navigates the long
concrete path from his front door.
INT. DYLAN’S MERCEDES – DAY
DYLAN
You’re mom can tell you all about my
ass.
DYLAN guffaws in his car.
EXT. EARLY 20TH CENTURY COTTAGE HOUSE – DENVER, CO – DAY
ALEX shakes his head, but continues approaching the Mercedes.
He leans inside the open window and fist bumps DYLAN.
ALEX
Pop your trunk.
INT. DYLAN’S MERCEDES – DAY
DYLAN
You know I’m only busting your balls.
ALEX is still leaning in through the window.
ALEX
Yeah, yeah. Just pop the fucking
trunk.
DYLAN reaches below the dash and hits a button, activating
the automatic trunk.
EXT. EARLY 20TH CENTURY COTTAGE HOUSE – DENVER, CO – DAY
ALEX walks around to the back of the SUV and loads his
luggage, before climbing in the car.
DYLAN
Bought time, Sally. Why do you always
have to drag your feet?
ALEX
(glares at Dylan)
Why do you always have to be a dick?
DYLAN stares at ALEX long and hard, before cracking a smile.
He reaches over to hug his old friend.
DYLAN
It’s been too long ya little bastard.
ALEX
I know who my father…
DYLAN
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Take the
compliment. I missed ya.
DYLAN refocuses his attention on the road and starts driving
away. He cranks up the music and they both talk indistinctly
for several minutes.
EXT. PARKING GARAGE – DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – DAY
DYLAN and ALEX are wheeling there luggage away from the
Mercedes, when DYLAN’S phone rings. He pulls it out and ALEX
leans in to see who is calling.
ALEX
651? Who the hell is that?
DYLAN
Minnesota. Twin Cities, in fact. Must
be Michelle.
DYLAN answers and puts the call on speaker.
DYLAN
(yelling into the phone)
SHELLE! What’s going on? You in
Wyoming?
MICHELLE (V.O.)
(over the phone)
Who’s with you?
DYLAN
I’m with Alex. (Pause.) Is everything
okay?
DYLAN exchanges a quick glance of concern with ALEX.
DYLAN (CONT’D)
You don’t sound alright.
MICHELLE (V.O.)
I’m fine. But…
DYLAN
There are no butts in this group.
Don’t tell me you aren’t coming.
MICHELLE (V.O.)
I’m afraid I can’t. A work event came
up.
ALEX
NO! You can’t ditch out on us!
MICHELLE (V.O.)
I’m sorry. I tried reasoning with my
boss, but she wasn’t having any of it,
cranky old hag.
DYLAN and ALEX laugh at her comment.
INT. DARK KITCHEN – OLD FARMHOUSE – SUBURB OF MINNEAPOLIS, MN
MICHELLE touches her bruised cheek. Her dress strap is ripped
and falling from her fragile frame. The bruise is barely
visible on her dark skin, and she winces when she brings her
hand up to rub the skin around the bruise.
MICHELLE
I am, I swear to you both. We just
have this event and apparently I have
to be there for it.
EXT. PARKING GARAGE – DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – DAY
DYLAN
It won’t be the same with out you, but
even now, you don’t sound right.
INT. DARK KITCHEN – OLD FARMHOUSE – SUBURB OF MINNEAPOLIS, MN
The phone cord is wrapped around MICHELLE’s wrist multiple
times, and for each minute she speaks, the coil grows longer.
MICHELLE
I promise you, everything is fine, and
I am okay. Like I said, I just have to
handle this event for my company.
EXT. PARKING GARAGE – DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – DAY
DYLAN listens to MICHELLE’S words and mouths W.T.F to ALEX.
DYLAN
Okay then. You’ll have to promise to
show up early next year. This is a a
tradition spanning twenty years and
everyone else is going to be so
disappointed.
MICHELLE (V.O.)
I… promise.
DYLAN
Take care.
DYLAN AND ALEX
We love you.
MICHELLE (V.O.)
Love you too.
DYLAN pushes the end call button on his phone and stares at
ALEX.
ALEX
That was… weird.
Out of the darkened shadows, a pale, boney, clawed hand
reaches forward and swipes at DYLAN’S head and misses as
DYLAN leans down to grab his luggage.
INT. UNITED EMBRAER AIRCRAFT – AT THE GATE – DAY
DYLAN and ALEX are sitting side by side in the second row of
the airplane as other passengers get on the plane.
DYLAN
How’s the love life? Chasing after any
fillies?
ALEX
You know me.
DYLAN
What? You’re not interested in anyone?
ALEX
Well, there is one girl I’ve had my
eye on.
DYLAN
Come on, brother. Give me the details.
ALEX ponders his words for a moment.
ALEX
You’d never lie to me, right?
DYLAN
Of course not, but what’s going on?
ALEX
Well… I’ve always kind of had a
thing for HEATHER.
DYLAN
I know. Bout time you finally
confessed to it too.
ALEX
If you knew, why did you never say
anything?
DYLAN
I didn’t think I had to. But she’s
married.
ALEX
I’ve heard they’re not doing well and
are headed for divorce.
DYLAN
And…
ALEX
And I’m thinking about telling her how
I feel.
DYLAN
By all means, man, you should tell her
how you feel.
ALEX
Thanks. Now I just have to work up the
nerve.
EXT. VAST MOUNTAIN HOUSE – JACKSON HOLE, WY – DAY – CLEAR SKY
A range rover pulls into the driveway of an extravagant
mountain home. Picture windows adorn the front of the home.
The Range Rover pulls to a stop in the driveway and the front
door flies open as their friends flood out.
The first outside is CLIFFORD, a tall, stocky, late-thirties,
with a long red beard.
Second out is HEATHER, a late-thirties, brunette, with an
average build.
Last out is MIKE, a tall, thin, late-thirties black man in
glasses. DYLAN and ALEX exit the vehicle and gather their
luggage.
CLIFFORD
Doober! Ya ole sumbitch.
CLIFFORD starts running toward DYLAN, who drops his bag and
meets him halfway to the front door. They do a chest bump and
an odd handshake.
DYLAN
It’s been twenty years since we played
football together. Do you really have
to use that nickname for me?
CLIFFORD
I kept your ass safe for three years,
so I reckon I can call you whatever I
want.
DYLAN fist bumps MIKE while ALEX and HEATHER hug. The trio
helps DYLAN and ALEX with their luggage, and they head
inside.
INT. VACATION HOUSE – GREAT ROOM – DAY
The group enters through an ornately decorated foyer,
connected to a spacious great room, with vaulted ceilings and
plush furniture.
MIKE
Anyone know when my sister is getting
into town?
ALEX and DYLAN exchange a worried glance.
ALEX
Didn’t she tell you?
MIKE
No, I haven’t talked to her in over a
week. (pause) Wait… tell me what?
DYLAN
She had a work event come up which she
is required to attend.
ALEX
So she won’t be joining us.
MIKE grows quiet and casts his eyes to the floor.
HEATHER
Oh great, now I’m the only woman for
the week in a room filled with
testosterone.
DYLAN
Come now, we all know how much you
love being the center of attention.
This should be right up your alley.
DYLAN grins and HEATHER flips him off.
HEATHER
Dick! (pause) We’ll show you to your
rooms so you can get settled, and then
we can all start working on dinner.
They all help with the luggage and follow HEATHER upstairs.
DYLAN and MIKE bring up the rear.
DYLAN
You OK man?
MIKE
I’m fine, was just hoping to see my
sister. Not surprised she bailed on
us.
DYLAN
Wasn’t her fault. It was work.
MIKE
Yeah I’m sure.
DYLAN and MIKE catch up to HEATHER and disappear down the
hall.
INT. VACATION HOUSE – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
HEATHER and CLIFFORD place serving platters on the table,
before sitting and joining the others.
ALEX
I’m so glad we are still doing this
after all these years.
DYLAN
It is the highlight of my year.
MIKE
You’re loaded and can do whatever you
want, yet this is the highlight of
your year? Come on, man.
HEATHER
Yeah, be realistic. I mean, I know you
don’t have a wife and kids, but surely
there has to be something else in your
life you look forward to. How about
your job? All you ever talked about
was being VP. You’ve achieved that
goal. What’s next?
DYLAN
It’s just a job. Every day is the same
as the day before. I’m actually
thinking about trying something
different.
CLIFFORD
You’re sounding a bit uppity, there
Dylan. What happens to our darn
investment if you choose to move on.
DYLAN
You all know I got you guys. I’d never
do anything to jeopardize your money.
I have a lot of my own tied up in it
as well. I think we are all on track
to recoup our money in the next six
months.
CLIFFORD
Hot damn!
ALEX
That’s very good news.
HEATHER
Has anyone talked to Michelle since
she called earlier today?
Everyone shakes their head no.
HEATHER
Should we try calling her? Just to let
her know how much she is missed?
HEATHER calls MICHELLE and puts her phone on speaker so they
can all hear and talk. The call goes straight to voicemail.
EVERYONE
SHELLE! We miss you.
HEATHER
We just wanted to call you and see how
you’re doing. We love and miss you and
are sad you are not here. Call us back
when you can. We’d all love to hear
your voice.
HEATHER ends the call and dinner resumes. Side conversations
break out between the friends.
HEATHER
If you all will excuse me, I need to
use the bathroom.
Both DYLAN and ALEX watch her disappear down the hall. After
thirty seconds or so, DYLAN excuses himself to use the
bathroom as well.
ALEX watches DYLAN leave.
ALEX
(whispers to himself)
It’s okay. He promised.
INT. VACATION HOME – POWDER ROOM – NIGHT
HEATHER is staring into the mirror, nervously biting her
nails. Someone knocks on the door.
HEATHER cracks open the door and sees DYLAN who is wearing a
large grin. She grabs his arm and pulls him inside.
HEATHER
I couldn’t wait to be alone with you.
DYLAN pulls her close and kisses her.
DYLAN
God I have missed your lips. I’ve been
pining for them for days.
HEATHER
Well, now that you have me, what are
you going to do with me?
DYLAN kisses her again and runs his hand up her thigh. She
brushes his hand away.
HEATHER
Stop! We can’t do that right now.
DYLAN
Then when?
HEATHER
Like we planned, I’ll sneak into your
room tonight.
DYLAN
I don’t know if I can wait that long.
I’m already hard.
HEATHER
You’ll be just fine.
DYLAN
Come on. Just real quick. I’ll be
fast.
HEATHER
We can’t. The others will catch on.
We’ve probably already been gone too
long as it is.
DYLAN
That reminds me. We need to be careful
around ALEX.
HEATHER
We’re always careful, around all of
them. Why are you calling ALEX out?
DYLAN
I don’t know if I should say this or
not, but he told me how in love with
you he is.
HEATHER
I’ve always known he had a little
crush on me, but I never knew he was
in love with me.
DYLAN
He heard you’re marriage isn’t doing
well and he thinks he can now tell you
how he feels.
HEATHER
Why didn’t you tell him about us?
DYLAN
He was so excited, I couldn’t burst
his bubble. I’ll tell him when the
time is right.
HEATHER
You should have just told him to begin
with. It would have been easier that
way.
DYLAN
I’ll handle it, just let me find the
right time.
INT. VACATION HOUSE – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
HEATHER returns to the dining room. CLIFFORD and MIKE are in
a heated argument.
CLIFFORD
You see, that just don’t make no
sense. It won’t deter the darn crime.
Me having an arsenal will deter crime.
MIKE
What happens if your house is broken
into while you are here in Wyoming?
All of your legally owned guns would
now be in the hands of crim…
HEATHER
(interupts)
Sorry guys, after I went to the
bathroom, I had to call my kids. What
did I miss?
CLIFFORD
This sumbitch here is tellin’ me he
favors more gun control, and I was
tellin’ him why that ain’t true.
HEATHER
Sounds fun.
DYLAN returns from the bathroom.
DYLAN
If I were you, I’d let that bathroom
clear out for some time before anyone
tries going in there.
CLIFFORD
Good, you’re back. Please tell this
ass hat here, why he cant take away my
darn guns.
DYLAN
Oh god, not this shit again. Let it
go, Clifford.
HEATHER stands and starts clearing dishes.
HEATHER
And on that note, I think we should
clean up and make our way to bed. I
don’t know about all of you, but it
has been a long day for me.
CLIFFORD
You did most of the cookin’, Heather.
Where I come from, that means you
don’t do any of the cleanin’.
ALEX
Yeah, if you’re that exhausted, why
don’t you head up to bed. The four of
us will handle the dishes.
DYLAN
Yeah, by all means.
HEATHER heads up stairs, while DYLAN, MIKE, ALEX, and
CLIFFORD clear and then clean the dishes.
FADE OUT:
INT. VACATION HOUSE – GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
CLIFFORD, ALEX and MIKE are sitting on the various plush
couches and chairs, drinking beer. DYLAN is drying his hands
on a towel.
MIKE
I saw a fire pit out back, and it’s a
nice night. Anyone fancy a cigar?
DYLAN
Normally I would, but I’m pretty
tired. Think I’ll retire a bit early
this evening.
CLIFFORD & ALEX
I’m in.
MIKE
You sure, Dylan? They’re Cubans.
DYLAN hesitates for a moment and looks upstairs.
DYLAN
Maybe tomorrow night.
MIKE
Suit yourself.
DYLAN heads up the stairs and disappears from view. MIKE
pulls 3 cigars from his leather cigar case.
MIKE
Shall we?
MIKE, CLIFFORD and ALEX put on jackets and walk toward the
back of the house.
EXT. VACATION HOUSE – BACKYARD FIRE PIT – NIGHT
A fire rages within the fire pit and the trio is laughing at
a joke.
MIKE
(wiping tears from his eyes)
Oh God! That’s funny.
ALEX
How’s it being back in Alabama?
CLIFFORD
It’s good to be home. Colorado was
nice and all, but there’s something
about the backwoods that takes me back
to my childhood.
A cellphone rings. MIKE reaches into his pocket and answers
the call as CLIFFORD and ALEX get quiet.
MIKE
Mom?
(beat)
Shit! You’re kidding me.
(beat)
I’ll do what I can, but you know I’m
in Wyoming.
(beat)
I’ll call you in a bit with my plans.
MIKE ends the call and stuffs his phone in his pocket.
MIKE
It’s Michelle. She’s in the hospital.
CLIFFORD
WHAT!
ALEX
WHY?
MIKE
Her husband beat the shit out of her.
She’s currently unconscious.
ALEX
Fuck!
CLIFFORD
I’ll kill that sumbitch!
ALEX
I’ll grab the others and we can meet
inside.
The all toss their cigars into the firepit and rush to get
indoors.
A strong breeze picks up and whips their clothes. A flash of
lightning crackles across the sky. The thunder hits a second
later.
In a second floor window, illuminated briefly by the
lightning, a cloaked figure is inside staring out. The face
can’t be seen, but the red, glowing eyes can be.
No one see the mysterious figure.
The trio stops just outside the door.
CLIFFORD
Well I’ll be.
ALEX
Thunder and lightning in February?
MIKE
I thought the weather was supposed to
be clear for the next three days.
ALEX
Me too!
After a brief pause, they shrug and head inside.
INT. VACATION HOUSE – DYLAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
DYLAN is laying in bed and HEATHER is laying on his chest. No
lights are on, but candles are lit throughout the room.
They are naked, but the sheets and blankets are pulled up to
their chests.
DYLAN
God I needed that.
HEATHER
Umm, hmm. I’ve been waiting all week.
DYLAN moves HEATHER to her back and pulls down the sheets. He
starts caressing her stomach.
DYLAN
I can’t believe I’m going to be a
father. I never thought it would
happen.
HEATHER
And I can’t believe I’m going through
this again, after nine years.
DYLAN leans over and kisses her.
DYLAN
When can we start telling people.
HEATHER
The divorce will be finalized in two
weeks.
DYLAN
It can’t get here soon enough.
HEATHER
You sure no one is going to find us?
DYLAN
Yeah. I told you they went out for
cigars. That buys us at least an hour.
INT. VACATION HOUSE – HALLWAY BETWEEN ALL THE BEDROOMS –
NIGHT
ALEX is knocking on the door to HEATHER’S bedroom.
ALEX
Heather? (pause) Heather, are you
awake?
ALEX continues knocking and trying to get her attention. When
she doesn’t respond, he moves down the hall to DYLAN’s room
and knocks on that door.
INT. VACATION HOUSE – DYLAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
DYLAN and HEATHER exchange a wide-eyed look. They both jump
out of bed and scramble to get their clothes on.
DYLAN
Just a sec.
The door creaks open.
ALEX
Good you’re awake.
ALEX walks into the room.
ALEX (CONT’D)
We have a bit of an emerg… hijo de
puta.
DYLAN and HEATHER stop in the middle of putting their clothes
on when ALEX walks in.
DYLAN
I said just a second.
ALEX
What the fuck is this?
HEATHER
It’s not what it looks like.
ALEX storms over to half-dressed DYLAN.
ALEX
After what I just told you today,
you’ve already moved in. You’re an
asshole.
DYLAN
We’ve been seeing each other for a
year and a half.
ALEX
No, you just want payback for what I
did to you in high school.
DYLAN
What the fuck are you talking about?
ALEX
Katie! When you were too busy with
football and I inadvertently stole her
form you.
DYLAN
That has nothing to do with this.
HEATHER
Honestly! It doesn’t. We’ve always
been attracted to each other.
ALEX turns toward the door while shaking his head.
ALEX
You’re both assholes. (pause)
Michelle’s in the hospital. Mike needs
our support. We’ll deal with this
later.
DYLAN
Wait? What?
ALEX disappears through the door. HEATHER and DYLAN follow,
once their clothes are on.
A red eye is seen between the crack in the door, leading to
the walk in closet. No one notices.
INT. VACATION HOUSE – GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
MIKE’S head is bent and in his hands sobbing. CLIFFORD is
sitting next to him on the couch.
CLIFFORD
It ain’t your dang fault.
ALEX, HEATHER and DYLAN join them. MIKE looks up as they
enter.
MIKE
Yes it is. Terrence has been doing
this since before they were married.
I’ve known and have never done a
goddamn thing to stop him.
HEATHER approaches the couch and sits next to MIKE.
HEATHER
You had no way of knowing it would get
to this point. Besides, Terrence is a
large man. I don’t blame you for being
scared.
MIKE jumps to his feet.
MIKE
That’s just it. I’m not scared. I’ve
argued with him before. I just thought
it was none of my business. So I
stayed out of it.
HEATHER
Oh!
DYLAN
That’s bullshit and you know it.
ALEX
What’s bullshit? Your word?
DYLAN
Listen, now is not the time to deal
with our shit. You said later. Right
now we need to focus on Michelle.
CLIFFORD
So what are you going to do?
MIKE
I’ll try and catch a flight in the
morning.
HEATHER
I think we should all go. You know…
a show of support.
CLIFFORD
Yeah, and I’ll give Terrence a piece
of my mind.
The power goes out and the room turns pitch black. Thunder
rumbles again and wind rattles the house. Nothing can be seen
through the windows because a snow storm is raging.
DYLAN
Now what?
ALEX
I’ll go check the breaker. You guys
get a fire going and see if you can
find some candles.
ALEX disappears into the foyer.
INT. VACATION HOUSE – FOYER – NIGHT
ALEX wraps a scarf around his neck and puts on gloves, before
putting on his boots.
ALEX
(under his breath)
Motherfucker. Like I needed any of
this shit. Now we’re stuck in the
middle of a fucking blizzard.
ALEX opens the door, then the storm door, and the wind whips
snow into the foyer. He tightens the scarf and walks outside.
The cloaked figure follows him out, walking straight through
closed storm door. ALEX doesn’t notice.
J.G. Gatewood Blog 